Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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