i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
