Dual....:-)
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
