afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
