Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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