You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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