Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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