to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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