shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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