Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
