if you like me you must not know who I am
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
