She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
