seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
