On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
