i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
