Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hippo gnu deer
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When did we convert life to cartoon?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
