Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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