We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
