I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's just like the Real World with babies
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
