I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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