Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
