Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
