Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
