you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
