Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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