I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
