can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
