Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
