only you would photoshop your dick
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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