I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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