So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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