she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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