One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
