i jhust puked up my retainher.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the raccoons are back...
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