I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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