i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
