he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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