I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
