hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
