In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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