after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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