Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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