that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
