Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
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My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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