I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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