This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
