can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize