i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
