How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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