Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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