Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
