so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
