If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You took a bar mat shot.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
