I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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