Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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