so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
