I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
