Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
