I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
