Already got asked if we're dating
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
