the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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