I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What a dumb baby whore.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
