remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
