I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
