He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
