just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
