I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
