wrigley field is MILF paradise
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
