The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
