ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
