Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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