if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
