I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
