Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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