Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
