The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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