im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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